I try and do it all by myself. That's what a "strong" mom would do. Most days, I manage pretty well. But, it's not until I have help that I realize how hard being alone really is. Thank you Nadia for pointing out that asking for help is strong. It's not in my nature - at all! I think I should be able to do everything my self. I'm sure this is just one of many lessons I will learn being a mom. Over the past few weeks many of you have stopped by and offered to help hold babies. Although I didn't think I needed the help, I realize after you leave, just how energizing it is to be with other adults - and to have an extra set of hands. You may not feel you are doing much, but your company is more help than you know. I had no idea how quiet things can be when spending 10-11 hours alone. It's not actually quiet, but without interaction with adults, it can be quite isolating. Also - when someone is here to hold one baby, I can actually spend time with the other baby. Their individual time with me is limited as I am mostly putting out fires all day - putting one down, picking up the other -and within 5 minutes, doing the same thing again. The gift of your time is allowing me to get to know my kids as individuals. That's about as sentimental as I get.
I don't have photos of everyone- You'll just have to come back!!!!!
It was a surprise to all of us that it was a 3-day weekend. Bonus! It is so special to have David here with us. He takes all of the stress away and brings so much joy to the babies. They just light up when he walks in the room. When he's here, things almost feel normal. On Saturday - I got a long awaited and much needed nap. I felt like a new person. Saturday night, I had fantastic help while David and Chloe went to Chinese New Year. Chandler had the unfortunate duty (or doody) of staying with me and helping with the babies. He was awesome. He rocked, fed and changed both of the babies - all well humoring me and watching my crappy girl shows on TV. It was a great night and the babies love their big brother.
On Sunday, I got out and went shopping. I realized the babies didn't have very many size 6 Carter's clothes (3-6 mo). I went in and cleaned them out. It was so much fun. It's like playing dress up with dolls - only a lot more expensive. Hey - you only live once and it brings me joy. We also picked up the canvas photos we ordered from our photo session. Finally, we have something on our walls! The best part of Sunday came when Jeff and Marii said they were coming over and they were taking Nittany for a hike! It was so great to see her get out and be a dog. The babies definitely know Marii and are super comfortable with her. Ok, I lied - the best part of Sunday came when the babies slept from 9 pm to 1 am and 1:30 - 5:30. It was unreal. I hope it was not a fluke and we get more nights like that! On Monday, we started off with baths- then the big tragedy of the day. I had to cut the babies' nails. With only 4 fingers done, I managed to take off the top of baby boy's thumb. It bled forever. I had to throw out a bib. Of course we don't have any band-aids that are baby sized (my fault - David told me to get a variety pack!). I felt so badly. I can't believe I hurt him. So now, he has a second hand with super long nails and I haven't even attempted to cut baby girl's nails. We also had the most amazing visitors/helpers come over. A former student whom I had in 2nd and 3rd grade and her family stopped by. They rocked, fed and changed the babies. It was so much help and it was cool to listen to her read the babies a story. When I first met her, she was still learning to read! It was also great to see her brother get over his fear of Nittany. When they first came in, Nittany almost took him down and left a big scratch on his back. By the time they left he was getting her to do tricks.
I can't believe these guys are 3 months old today! Where did the time go? It's also Valentine's Day and they wanted to send some love. These pix are from about 3 weeks ago. I've learned photo shoots on your own are almost impossible. There were lots of tears!
This is what most of the photos looked like. It took a long time to get a good one.
Being naked. Who would have known? Last night I received an email from Baby Center - a website I consult a lot. For each month they list different "games" you can play with your baby. I thought I'd try today's game. You are supposed to get the baby naked and roll it from one side of a blanket to the other. They say they can sense more without their clothes on. I wasn't willing to risk the mess, so I stripped them down to their diapers. It was amazing how much more comfortable, active and productive they were. They were smiling, lifting their heads and baby girl even moved a bit across the blanket on her own! I couldn't believe it. They are rocking and lifting their legs in preparation for rolling. Baby girl is almost grabbing her toes and both of them are eating their hands. Now I know something new, and I'll try it more often.
As I mentioned earlier, baby girl is suffering from reflux. The doctor got back to me and suggested a switch to Enfamil AR - a special formula with rice something or other in it. I sent David to the dr. office to pick up a sample. I was so excited to have something that would stop Rose's suffering. Not only would she be able to keep her food down, but hopefully it would help with her fussiness. We prepared the 6 p.m. bottles and David fed her. From the moment David finished the bottle to about 2 hours later, that baby cried like we were torturing her. Her face was red and she just screamed. Nothing could calm her. I've never felt so helpless or guilty. I couldn't believe that I fed her something that would cause that kind of reaction. I walked her, rocked her, swaddled her, sang to her and did anything else I could think of. I was the one who was crying after the 2nd hour. I don't know how people deal with babies with colic. This was unbearable. She finally fell asleep and we went back to the regular formula. I'd rather deal with spit up than the monster she became after eating that food. Other than that, we got an appointment for Max to see a specialist in MARCH! They haven't been sleeping as long at night again, but not any less than they originally did. They are still taking a decent a.m. nap. We've had some visitors this week and all help is appreciated!!! For some reason, I haven't been taking many pictures. So sorry. I'll post those I did take this week, but they have no rhyme or reason.
The day really started at the 5 am feeding, but I'll fast forward....
7:30 a.m.
Baby girl wakes up screaming. There is nothing I can do to console her. She doesn't want her binky, doesn't want to be held and doesn't want to be put down. Typical woman - doesn't know what she wants. Unfortunately, she's not supposed to eat until 8. If I feed her before her brother, the schedule will be messed up for the entire day! Well, I gave in and fed her anyway. Of course, that was after doing the snot sucker and listening to her scream bloody murder - rather than thanking me for clearing her nose so she could enjoy her meal. The entire time, I just sit there on pins and needles praying Max doesn't wake up in the middle of her feeding.
In the meantime, David is scrubbing bottles in his suit, filling them up for the day. They'll only last for 1/2 a day at a time. We are going through a can of formula every two days.
8:00 a.m.
I'm on my own and Max is waking up. I'm quietly begging Rose to hurry up and finish her bottle. That's difficult, since we switched her to lo flow to help with reflux. Fortunately, she finished before Max really got to screaming. I changed her, tossed her in her bouncy chair and went to console him. She wasn't happy about being put down and continued to scream through his feeding. Not too relaxing for us. I don't know how they don't get stomach aches from the stress. Sorry to be gross, but after changing Max, I see he's still constipated. Time to call the doctor again. I swear, I'm on the phone with the triage nurse every other day. Is it 9:00 yet - can't call until then.
8:30
Baby girl has cried herself to sleep and baby boy is animated and ready to interact. We sit on the couch and chat while watching the Today show. He pets Nittany and we talk about the feeling of "soft." Yes, people - that's what my life has become. He starts to get tired and falls asleep in my arms. Here he sits as I type on the computer. Nittany is close by cuddled up and watchful.
I still haven't brushed my teeth....maybe I can get up without completely waking him up??? 9:00 I put Max in his swing, hoping to make it to the bathroom to brush my teeth. Rose wakes up screaming and stinky. Change her and then she's ready to play. We have mommy and me time on the couch and also play with Nittany - of course not before she projectile vomits with such force it his the ground behind the couch. Nittany was quite thrilled with the little snack. Yuck!!!!! Now, for the first time in many days, she is not screaming while awake and is just hanging out smiling and cooing for me : )
9:25 That didn't last long. She's crying and I have to brush my teeth! As long as she's already screaming, I'm putting her in her chair and taking care of business. I brush my teeth and put in the neglected load of laundry. I'm doing at least 2 loads a day.
9:30 By time I get back out here, both babies are crying. Maybe we'll try some tummy time! When I go to pick up Max, I smell what he's been "cooking". Another poop????? Yep. Change him again. We go through about 25 diapers a day. We all go on to the blanket for tummy time, but no one is happy. They cry and cry. Tummy time is on their terms. If they don't want to be there, the let you know.
Maybe I'll bring out the play gym. Just have to make it until 10:00 for the next feeding. Ooooh. I just remembered, I started Rose at 7:30, so she's probably hungry now. I'll go put in her bottle.
While her bottle is warming, Max continues to cry. I have to just let him because I need to make another pitcher of formula and wash the bottles. I realize there is only one can of formula left - Will have to order on Amazon at some point today. I have to write it on the dry erase "to do" list or I will forget.
9:45 Everyone is crying - might as well just feed them both. It's only 15 minutes early. I set up my double feeding system!
Insert - More Dunkin Donuts coffee here!!!! 9:55 Why aren't they eating??? Cause I'm an idiot. My fingers have failed me (that's what I count on!) It's only been 2 hours since they last ate - not three. I feel like a failure for force feeding my kids. Well, Rose won't eat any more, but Max seems like he will. I'll finish the feeding and try and get back on schedule from here. I guess I didn't have enough coffee. I really feel stupid. To be fair - this is not their normal eating schedule. We have been doing 7 - 10 - 1 - 4.... It just got off track last night. Ugh. I will now pour about $5 worth of formula down the drain because it doesn't keep once it is warmed and out. 10:05 Back to the blanket for play gym time. I'll try and redeem myself and get their baths ready.
The babies are oddly content in the play gym together. Of course, as I get their bath ready, I realize the outfits I wanted for them today are in the wash. Oh well. Time to be flexible. They don't care what they wear. I realize the house smells like poop. Have to find time to take out the trash! 10:15 Bath time begins. Baby boy is first because he has a harder time occupying himself at the gym. Hopefully, the bath will relax him and he'll fall asleep afterwards. 10:45 Bath time is over. Watching baby boy without his clothes on makes me continue to worry about his breathing. Hopefully we'll get our appointment with the specialist soon. I worry all of the time.
Both babies are in the gym. I'm looking for their swaddles to be ready when they start getting sleepy. They are both screaming!!! Time to go down for a nap. I swaddle them and put them in their nursery. We'll see if they go down. 11:00 They are asleep - Time for chores. 1) Call dentist about bogus insurance. Booooooo! 2) Empty trash 3) Order birth certificates (attempt #2) 11:15 Babies are stirring. What's up with that??? I will not stand for a 15 minute nap. Back to sleep!!!!!! 11:20
Reheat coffee and eat cookies for breakfast. Internet goes down. 11:30 4) Pay bills - takes way too long. 5) 3rd load of laundry in - 2 folded and put away 6) Wash and fill bottles
12:15 Rose is screaming. Have to run to get back there before Max wakes up. I know she isn't ready to get up but I can't get her back down. I bring her out to living room and put her in her bouncy chair. Maybe she'll go back down. I need some "real" food. Warm up Super Bowl leftovers. I keep checking out front to anticipate when the mailman is coming so I can intercept the dog before she goes nuts and wakes up the babies. Trying to get the appointment with the pulmonary doctor scheduled. Of course, nothing is easy. They don't have the referral. David is helping with this thank goodness. Phone work is tough when you don't know when the babies will start screaming. 12:25 Now Max is up too. I brought him out to the living room and he fell back asleep too. I have no idea when to feed them again since I sooooooo messed up the schedule. I guess when they wake up they'll be hungry. 12:40 They're up and fit to be tied. I guess I was right about the hungry thing. Now, to make bottles while I have double screamers. Always a good time. They just don't heat quickly enough.
1:20
Both babies are fed and changed and have fallen back asleep. In the middle of all that I had to go back and forth with David and the doctor's office trying to get the referral for Max to the correct office. Ahhhhh. Good thing for the earpiece I have for my phone or nothing would get done. Multitask should be my new middle name.
1:40 They've both been asleep for about 30 minutes, and I've been working on this blog. Usually this is where I do more chores. Oh well. I'll get to it eventually. I think I'll go order the formula for the month. 2:00 Max is up. Clipped his talons. Managed to not have a bleeder this time. I'm the winner. He fell back asleep and now Rose is up and I'm talking to my dad. I'm think about taking them on a walk. It's a 20 minute process to get them up and out, but I need the exercise and it's nice out.
3:00 Just got back from our walk. They really love their walks. Max especially looks around. A helicopter flew over, and I swear he got excited. The babies are asleep in their stroller. I'll take them out as they wake up. No need to wake a sleeping baby. I'm pooped and I'm in need of a nap. I don't think they'll have another long nap today. I'm staring at the folded laundry that needs to be put away and I'm thinking about the load that's still in there. It can wait, right? Maybe I'll just put my feet up on the couch for a few minutes until they wake up. Is that so wrong? 3:10 Baby girl is screaming. Maybe if I just lay her on my chest..... we both fell asleep for 30 minutes. It was bliss. They used to do that a lot when they first came home. Now, not so much. I love feeling her so close and comfy. Now, back to screaming. Almost time for a feeding. Better get those bottles ready, 3:50 Everyone is up and letting me know it's time to eat. Replay the double screaming video here. I wish there was a way to instantly have the bottles ready. Really starting to wish David would come home soon. 4:30 Feeding is finished. You would think meal time would be a time of joy and fulfillment. Not so fast. Max kept taking two sips then screaming. We got through it. Well I've had it with writing this - so that's it for now. Although it's a busy day, I wouldn't trade it for the world. A smile here or a hug there makes it all worth it. There are still many hours left but at least I'll have help. Everything is better when David is here. We are a great team.
For the first time in a long time, we had a day where David and I were both home and able to spend some time together. We aren't allowed to take the babies anywhere, really, but we decided to take them to the Arboretum - which is essentially taking them for a walk. I was nervous about all of the gear and all that it takes to get them out of the house, but we made it. It was a perfect day. The air was warm but the sun wasn't out. David and I got to spend some quality time together while getting some exercise.
In other news, we are still dealing with some health issues. I asked for a referral to Children's Hospital to check out Max's breathing. Although our doctor doesn't think it is a problem, I can't sleep. I worry about him all of the time. I'm hoping this will give me peace of mind. Once I get something in my head, I can't let it go.
Baby girl can't seem to keep her food down. She spits up every time we burp her - essentially spitting out everything she just ate. Lucky she's got some fat stored in those cheeks! She continues to spit up - sometimes even two hours after she's eaten. We've switched to a low flow bottle - but now it takes 30 minutes or more to feed her. We are also keeping her elevated after eating and burping her more often. I'm just concerned she's in pain and that she's not getting all of the nutrition she needs. She's been quite cranky and will only stop crying when asleep or being held.
Here are some additional pictures for the grandmas who keep complaining they need more!
